A bad marriage is the outcome of bitter disagreements. It could form over the years or within a few months of marital bliss. Sometimes when you cannot change a person, you have to change yourself. Though easier said than done these changes may take some time for you to accept and implement.
Have you ever tried to sit with each other and discuss how you feel about your marriage, why do you each think this happened and what can be done? And as soon as you start discussing, it ends up in another argument.
If you still want to give your marriage a chance but just can’t feel positive about your spouse, here are a few things to change, to get your marriage back on track.
Avoid worthless arguments
You could endlessly argue if you don’t keep the issue at the centre of the discussion. Bringing out old unresolved issues is just a big crime. And all the insults you lament on each other, adds oil to the fire. There may be a long list of habits you don’t like him for. So try and let go of things that cannot be changed. Focus and prioritise only on important issues.
You never liked your cooking to be compared to that of his mom. Nor does he like it when you tell him, how your father was a better dad or husband! Or look at your mates they are earning double the salary. Nothing kills a relationship faster than comparisons. Watch out for ugly comparisons or it might ruin your marriage.
Stall the argument for an appropriate time
Keeping a cool mind and talking sense in the middle of an argument is impossible. You can let him squabble while you go ahead with your routine. Stall the argument till the time you feel you can calmly discuss about the issue. It will definitely end up being more productive this way.
Difference in perspective
A lot of arguments stem from gender differences. Most of the time, when you feel he made you feel bad about something, he has no idea he said anything wrong or by any chance tried to hurt your feelings. So try and understand these differences. For example, when you ask him ‘Am I fat?’ He may just say a straight yes or no.
Notice your spouse’s merits
What really works in any relation is appreciating the good in each other. Instead of making a mental list of his negative traits now try and think about what you like in him. These could be aplenty but were hidden under a negative mental fog. So exit his negative side and go for his positives.
Fix it with sex
Sex is often used as a weapon during fights. As a woman, you may say ‘Why should we do it, when we are not even talking’. But men are different. Sex is a need for them unlike for most women. They feel refreshed and are able to think and function well after sex. Sex adds to the intimacy. He will even start thinking more clearly about the issues you came up with. It makes him feel the same way you feel when he looks in your eyes and reaches out to hold your hand, taking you by surprise.
Reconnect after each argument
Most couples don’t get enough time together while others spend too much worthless time. Either way, you need to figure out the right balance. Spend quality time when you are together and use it only for the two of you. The time when you are not with each other acts like a cooling period. Use it to control your thoughts to reconnect instead of building evidence against him.
Make happiness happen! Here’s wishing you the best in your endeavours.
Original article contributed by TheAsianParent.